Updated: Jul 14, 2022
Getting what we want and not getting what we want are both conditions for growth. Life is neither good nor bad. It’s just that we are much more satisfied when life is coming up “roses” instead of thorns. What can one do when life seems unfair?
Some people quietly hold in the pain and fear without sharing with anyone. This is called “stuffing” and usually does not work well. As an alternative, some folks get mean and take their pain and frustration out on others. This is another idea that usually backfires. Instead of either of these methods, I want you to “own” your feelings by sharing with those who love you the most. By “owning”, I am asking you to be responsible for who you are and what you want.
Here’s a solution that allows you to own your feelings and be true to yourself at the same time. This solution involves writing an anger, or fear letter. You can direct the letter to God, to yourself, to a friend who hurt your, to your parents, or to teachers that make life miserable. The “who” in the letter is not important because you never give the letter to that person. The purpose of the letter is to release your pain and disappointment without hurting anyone else. As you write the letter, forget about spelling, grammar, and handwriting. Use any of the really awful, unacceptable words you know to describe the facts of your situation as well as your feelings. Even curse words are accepted.
The next step is the tricky part. Ask someone who is not involved in the situation, and who also loves and accepts you just as you are, to listen as you read the letter aloud. After reading the letter, tear it up and throw it in the trash. As you destroy the letter, tell yourself that the hurt and fear are being given back to the Universe. All that hurtful energy can be transformed into a positive force. The purpose is to “let it go” as the song in Frozen suggests.
Less drastic methods of “letting it go” include talking to someone you trust, drawing a picture to show how you feel, or crying. One young girl danced out her pain. Another played a loud, unharmonious song on the piano. Do anything that feels right to express and release your feelings. Keeping feelings hidden results in greater pain and can cause physical illness at a later time. The princess in Frozen is right, “Let it go.”