At the risk of offending friends and family, I post this fictional and foolish letter. My intention, to poke fun at a serious topic, contains bits of ridiculous along with a significant truth. The underlying message suggests that grave responsibility accompanies sexual activities.
Disclaimer: I do not have any grandsons named Billy Bob or Rex.
Dear Billy Bob and Rex,
After years of lectures, warnings, and suggestions about flossing, I feel my work on this subject now ends. However, rather than resting in peace, a new compulsion takes on importance. Billy Bob — it is now time — yea past time for a considered and intelligent conversation about sex. You know you have been anxiously waiting for many years. Now, the time has come and I owe it to all of you young, innocent males, with your under-developed frontal lobes, to tell you the truth about this important topic.
Here it is. Prevention falls squarely onto your young shoulders. You think the female members of the species would take the lead on this, with the 9-month thing and all, but alas, it falls to you. As much as females intend to take care of the issue — yes, I write about birth control — reliable evidence indicates that females frequently do not do so. Lurking in the back of our female brains, a vision of cuddling a cute, happy, dry baby persists. This syndrome creates a “yes, I took care of it” delusion. For example, “I thought I took the birth control pills…I only missed one tiny dose. . .that little ring thing just fell out. . . I heard the music but I lost the rhythm.” The list goes on and on. Of course, abstinence definitely works best and when used properly, it offers 100% certainty. However, abstinence presents a challenge. That means you can apply abstinence 99 times out of 100. One “oops” cancels all previous hard work. Yep! That’s the one and only time! For obvious reasons, major surprises often accompany the abstinence method.
Even with the most responsible female, the responsibility, like the preverbal tennis ball, remains in your court. Any time you decide to engage in sexual activity, you enter a realm that could involve creating a new life, which we consider far too precious to take lightly. Truthfully, a shared responsibility indicates mutual maturity and responsibility.
I sign off as your grandmother wishing for great-grandchildren in the far distant future. Sending Love and wisdom to you.
Grandma (Written Oct. 2015)
Herndon, Emily, M. Zieman. “New Contraceptive Options.” American Family Physician. Feb. 15, 2004. http://www.aafp.org/afp/2004/0215/p853.html
Partners In Health. “Contraception Health Centre.” Web MD. 2015. http://www.webmd.boots.com/contraception/features/new-long-term-contraception-methods.